But it made me wonder what the company did when Rance was away before I came on the scene. I decided to find out."Nothing," Doreen said. "Tim pretty m...ch had to kick Rance out of here once a year to take at least two weeks vacation. I think it got to the point where Tim banned him from the premises. I don't know where he went or what he did, but I'm pretty sure he didn't go home."As I thought about it, I felt that Rance was still fighting some demons from the breakup with Lisa. He didn't sound. He then came back and sat next to me on the bed. “I should explain. You see, Ahkbar is more than simply a boon companion. In India he had training as a fakir.” He pronounced it fah-keer.“A faker?”“No, fakir,” he repeated. “A shaman or holy man, one trained in various obscure arts. One of those arts is that of a druggist of sorts, using various native roots and powders. One of his concoctions, when mixed in with the water a woman drinks, will render her unfit for the propagation of the species. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not possible I can focus on enjoying what time I have left as me.This last week I discovered CBD. I knew about it, but hadn’t tried it until my friend who’s a shrink talked me into it. Us former law. Fully back together after a crazy fortnight of experimentation and others. Maybe not a crazy thing for others, but for me that’s what it felt like, after twenty years loving and building a life with one man.As we cuddled up we were comfortable with the silence between us. At heart, both introverts, we were both enjoying the peace and space with our thoughts, knowing we’d share and talk when we were ready. So different than Callan, the only other man I’d been with, and Charlotte. Both of them.
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